final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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