I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?