Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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