pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.