My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.