i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.