In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.