Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's shark week go big or go home
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
