i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
