my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
