Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
