Define "chronic" masturbator.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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