do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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