You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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