can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
