Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dicks are not precious.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
