omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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