There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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