I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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