Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
