Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you still have your period?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
