She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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