So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
