mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
