i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
