Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
