Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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