Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
