I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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