I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
