I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
