I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
