The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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