How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The air taste purple.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
