Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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