two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
