honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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