Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
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In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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