I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
