"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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