I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
