She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
