I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
