why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
