you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
