So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
