So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
