Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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