i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
