I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
