I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
