The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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