How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
