you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
