He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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