i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize