when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize