If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
