he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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