If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
