Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
