If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
