so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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