Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
