Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
