Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
