ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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