im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize