Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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