I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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