White coat. Heels.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my shit smells like andre
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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