How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
