3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
