I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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