I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
