I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
