i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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