there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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