My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
