even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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