so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
