My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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