I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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