Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
